2018 annual review

There is always this danger when we write, and it is the danger of making things seem simpler or tidier than they are, when life is neither simple nor tidy.

After having written 56 issues of this newsletter I still occasionally suffer from self-consciousness and acute self-doubt. I wonder often if I am making things seem too simple or tidy, or if I am presenting ideas with too little nuance or too little depth. I wonder also if there is a need for my voice in this world, if my writing is even necessary.

I wonder, and I wonder, but at the end of the day I remember again that everything we do matters.

So I shrug my shoulders, buckle down and do it all over again.

I remind myself also that I am doing this because I have the desire to do it. That must surely mean something. Maybe everywhere we go there is an invisible compass guiding us. Who knows? Otherwise why are we inclined towards doing this or that? Rather than resisting or asking why, maybe life would be far more fruitful and interesting if we would just go where we are urged to go.

As the year comes to an end I find myself reflecting on the last 12 months. But I am the kind of person who can’t think well when I am not writing, so here I am, dumping my thoughts on you. I’m sorry.

How was 2018 for you? 2018 was a lot of me following where I was urged to go. I continued writing because I wanted to. A few weeks ago Daniel and I spontaneously started our podcast (we are enjoying this side project so much!). I traveled a lot, as usual. I read more, watched more movies. I worked on some pretty cool projects. But I also failed a lot. I was defensive. I was selfish. I was more detached than I wanted to be. Also my short film didn’t materialise. My ebook didn’t happen. I wasted a lot of time wanting and hoping to do things and not doing them.

So in 2019 I have a few things I want to do (still the same old things). Publish an ebook (about the art and business of creative freelancing). Publish my photo-book (or two). Experiment with filmmaking. Meet more interesting people. Be kinder. Be much kinder. Continue to write. Continue to work on my photography. Continue to do the inner work I need to do. Continue to go where I am urged to go. Other than that, I don’t want to think too much or plan too much.

Just flow with the river of life. That’s good enough for me.

How about you?

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