This fucking sore throat, please go away soon.
This is one of those moments in life where I don’t want to accept my circumstances. I don’t want to accept this obscene pain in my throat. I don’t want to accept that I’m now sick in a very cold foreign country where I have to run a retreat in half a day’s time just because a few days before I had to fly off I decided to go hang out with my niece who turned out to be down with a virus.
Sometimes you just want to be angry and petulant and unreasonable, even if you’re just reaping what you sowed 😉
These days I think it’s quite charming when people are honest about their feelings. Maybe a couple of years ago I thought it was wonderful when people worked hard to be at peace with their life’s circumstances and to only smile at life’s tribulations, but now I think a little bit of anger and annoyance is good. It’s more real. Life is shit sometimes and we do deserve to be angry. It’s even healthy to be angry, otherwise all the bad emotions just get repressed/suppressed. Then they get stuck inside of us and become bad energy.
I have things in my life that I’m angry about. Some of these things go a long way back – ancient history with deep roots. Maybe these things are even the reason why I get angry about other more recent things. But I’m not very good with anger, as in I don’t really know how to express anger. I’m not good at shouting at other people. Instead I shut down and withdraw and bury that anger deep, which allows all the anger – past and present – to be compressed into such a small point that with time, it explodes.
Learning how to be angry in a healthy way is one of my projects in 2023.