Dark to light

The silence at 5.30am is hynotizing.

I love it.

I’ve been waking up early these days and using the time to read and write and think through some conundrums in my life, and to organise the parts that feel out of place, misaligned. It’s been working surprisingly well.

It’s not just the waking up early, but the reading and the writing. Especially the writing. I’ve been dumping all my thoughts on a single page, asking myself questions, answering these questions, picking apart my own logic, organising and reorganising my thoughts.

It’s funny. When I edit my sentences and paragraphs, I realise I’m also editing my thoughts. For me, thinking is writing—they’re one. I’ve gone long periods without thinking through writing. How did I manage to make the decisions I made? I have no idea.

But here I am, thinking+writing again. And it works. I love it.

When the day awakens, it turns from dark to light outside. Writing brings me through the same process—the dark confusion turns into clarity as I write and rewrite. I’m forced to see the fallacies and muddiness of my thoughts, forced to confront my pretensions, my insecurities, my tendencies to do what is easiest or most commonly accepted.

It’s meditation in action.

Hard but rewarding.

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