After I came back from Paris, my world opened up even more. The workshop I did with Pinkhassov there gave me the chance to experience time and space as much softer, less defined entities. I could feel a melting within, those parts of me that were previously solid or whole, such that I became melded with the world a little more than before.
This is a sensation I’ve been trying to access as a creative or artist, but for a long time I felt blocked. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the blockage is from my mind or from life, but once you feel the physical sensation of being free, you cannot go back again. Or maybe you can, but definitely you are changed in some ways that leave you slightly different.
I believe more than ever in the mundane idea that this ‘normal’ life we’re living isn’t quite ‘normal’, ‘true’, or ‘real’. If you see me on a daily basis, you might not find me acting differently, but inside I feel changed.
A useful image:
There used to be a door at the dam, locked and unopened. The door prevents anything from passing through. Now a key has unlocked the door and it’s been pulled open. Whatever is behind the dam has the force of a tsunami. Once this door opens fully, it cannot be closed again. Nobody can predict what’s going to happen next.
I feel more curious, more interested, more open to new experiences and new people. At the same time I feel more ignorant than ever, like I still have so much to learn.
I declare this to be a wonderful state to be in.