I don’t know myself well enough. And I have hidden thoughts that I don’t always articulate or bring to the surface.
For example, I only recently realised I have this thought that I should be special.
But why should I be?
I know, because if I am special (if I am especially talented or especially brave, for example) then I can justify my self-worth. Because I somehow believe that my self-worth is tied up with being more successful or being more talented than other people. But of course, this is a terribly weak and flawed idea, because there will always be other people who are smarter and more talented and more successful than me.
The thing is, I’m really not more special than other people. And that’s perfectly fine and natural. No human being is more special than another human being. And no human being needs to be special in order to be loved.
This is part of my ongoing effort to rewrite the flawed scripts – such as this one – in my head.
I needed this today. I struggle with this as well. I feel like there us so much pressure to live up to or to be something unique and special and everyday that I am not, I am failing.