Now is the time to do everything you’ve always wanted to do, now is the time to pursue your dream, now is the time to make art, now is the time to build, now is the time to get lost, now is the time to start a revolution, now is the time to be ridiculous, now is the time to be crazy, now is the time.
If not now, when?
I’m reading Robert A. Caro’s “Working”, a book about his writing process (he won two Pulitzer Prizes for his books). In the introduction he said more than once that he wrote the way he did – slowly, over many years – because “there really was no choice involved”, that he was just being himself, and there seemed to be no other way to be. He also researches his books the way he does because it “just seems to be a part of me… Looking back on my life I can see that it’s not really something I have had much choice about”.
And when he was much younger and writing in school newspapers, even going so far as to start one in elementary school, he had always written in a certain way because he “liked finding out how things work and trying to explain them to people. It was a vague, inchoate feeling” and that was it – he was and could only be himself, following that vague, inchoate feeling within him to its necessary conclusions.
I can relate so much to this feeling that we are in the end who we are, that there seems to be a certain essence in us that we must allow to guide us through life. If we defy this compass, we can end up in places we don’t belong. But if we trust it, follow it, we might do something as grand as fulfilling our purpose.
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I remember when I first fell in love hard with reading, I was 17 and in junior college. I skipped quite a few recesses or went to the library almost every break I had so I could hide there and read and read and read. I had an endless appetite for books. But I loved books mainly for their words and not the stories. Words were what was attractive to me; a good sentence was downright sexy. I was crazy about words, I thought about words all the time. I sat on buses and wrote in my head, feeling the shape of my words and my sentences, and I read books and I savoured the words I read, drank, inhaled. It was a kind of pure aesthetic pleasure, quite electric in its own way. Even today it’s not the stories that get to me, but the words and the sentences.
My life is changing. I can feel it. No, in fact it is me that is changing. I am becoming more and more like a tree – stronger, surer, but also lighter at the same time. And at the heart of this tree there is an orb of light that is growing steadily. That’s me nowadays.
I took a sabbatical from my work as a photographer last year but I have a feeling my time as a commercial photographer might be coming to an end. I’ll always love photography and I’ll always be a photographer, but I feel my life force pushing me in different directions. When I tell my friends I might stop being a commercial photographer, they ask, but what will you do! And I realise how interesting that question is, and how we can limit ourselves and others when we think change is hard and things always have to be a certain way. In fact change is core to a vibrant, meaningful life, and we should expect change at any moment, without notice.
There’re many other things I want to do. I really want to share them with you, and I will, after they take on more concrete shapes. For now, know that these things are just parts of myself that have always been there – the truest parts of myself – now trying to find expression in the world as creative work, and even I am curious about the forms they will take when they finally become “real”.
I find myself missing Japan a lot these days. Maybe it’s not Japan I miss but the space and alone-ness I get to experience when I’m there. I think I miss Japan the most when there are ideas in me trying to take shape and become alive, because with all the noise around me in Singapore – both good and not so good – it’s hard for me to create, to give birth to things, or even just to properly sit with them while they grow themselves into some sort of half-way existence.
Happy to be back blogging, but even in this “rather safe space” there are things I cannot write about. How I yearn for a place where I can write about everything with full honesty, but yet still be read. Is that why people become writers? And resort to writing novels and calling whatever they write fiction? And in that way they are known without being seen.
This is very overdue, but I’ll post it anyway.
1. Passion is electricity. Enjoy the feeling of being electrified!
2. No self = freedom.
3. Life is very old and mysterious. This calls for humility.
4. Talk less so you can listen more and learn from others.
5. When you forget yourself, you can better give your time and effort to others.
6. It is better to change your old patterns before big/scary things force you to do so.
7. Although that is not always possible.
8. Everything is interesting.
9. Walking is a keystone habit that powers many good things.
10. When a creative project wants to be born, you must learn to be a good vessel and allow it to be born.
11. Falling in love comes at a cost.
12. We’re utterly alone and we’re utterly connected.
13. Always listen to your body.
14. An open heart always beats a closed one.
15. It’s painful to make mistakes, but it’s even more painful not to.
16. Wanting positive experience is a negative experience.
17. It’s okay to disappoint other people.
18. The only way to transform the world is to transform myself.
19. The world’s problems can only be met by people who genuinely care.
20. Caring is cool.
21. Life and death are a thought apart.
22. Stop trying to understand life fully. There is nothing to understand, and everything to behold.
23. Write with honesty and call it a day.
24. My definition of success – who cares?
Bonus thought: The more I fail the more I learn the more I live.
Also read: 23 thoughts and lessons from 2023 and 22 thoughts and lessons from 2022
“I think stubbornness is actually the important value. I really do. I think the people who make a difference are the ones who just refuse to be deterred, who are stubborn. They can’t be made to stop.”
— Brian Eno
I shared some book recommendations with A Library, my friend Felix’s project. It’s “a place where thinkers, makers, and entrepreneurs share the books that shaped their lives and work”.
I enjoyed being a part of Manuel Moreale’s People and Blogs series. Thanks for having me! Talking about blogging is always fun.
This podcast episode “How to Create Space in Your Life” really hit the spot. It’s the reminder I needed to continue clearing out things from my life/home/computer/head etc.
A good piece about the ebook reader Kobo’s CEO, Michael Tamblyn. He really seems like he cares.
Currently watching: Inside Brian Eno’s Studio.
I appreciate the madness in you. Yes I’d actually prefer it if you were a little mad. This means we’re the same. Although sameness means nothing. It just means we’re not alone.
Still working on my little community library project and I’m still feeling stupidly happy about everything, even though there’re about 200 more things to do than I’d imagined. I do think I was led by life to this moment. Although I can say the same thing about every moment before this, this very moment just feels more comfortable, more right, more interesting, more filled with potential, more effortless, even though there is a lot of work involved.
I’ve always loved libraries. They are a glimpse of the kind of ‘better world’ we all want to live in. That’s because by their very nature they are inclusive and welcoming. Anyone who walks through the doors of a library is reminded, just by inhaling the air of the library, just by being embraced by its atmosphere, to be a kinder and more caring person, and to forget, for a moment, the usual rules of our capitalistic society.
A library is a good place.
Since my last post a month ago, I have fallen into a new adventure — I’m building a shared library in Singapore.
It all started from this Instagram post. I found a shop space within three days of the post and now I’m waiting to confirm our design plans before starting renovations. We have 180 people on board with us as bookshelf-owners. You can read some of the updates on this crazy journey via my latest posts on Instagram.
So what’s Casual Poet Library? It’s a shared library in the heartlands of Singapore run entirely by individuals in the community. Each individual pays a small amount of money every month to be a bookshelf-owner. On each shelf, bookshelf-owners share about themselves and their book recommendations via little note cards, and tend to their shelves like they are tending to a (book) garden. The library is open to everyone and all books are for people to browse and borrow.
I went into this thinking it was about books. After all I’ve dreamed about opening a bookstore all my life. But the more I worked on the project the more I realised it’s about community, about building bridges between people, about the revitalisation of actual places and also actual hearts.
Feeling really energised and excited about this and will share more updates along the way!
Back from Japan (reluctantly).
Having a blog makes you realise how quickly time passes. Easily a month can pass by without any new entries here. But that month would feel like a blink to me.
So I did go to Japan for three weeks. I experienced moments of bliss/ecstasy there that would sound downright silly when put in words. But don’t worry, the only drugs involved were nature, rural fields, quiet neighbourhoods, long walks, silence, solitude, books…
I think I could easily become a recluse if I allowed myself to.
Even then, some of my best memories from the trip involve other people, mostly strangers. I made friends in cafes, izakayas, shops. We talked with the help of Google Translate and their kindness warmed my heart. I almost didn’t meet an unkind soul in Japan.
So that’s the thing – I enjoyed my solitude to the point of delirium, but so much joy and light and happiness were delivered straight to my heart from my interactions with other human beings.
Both things are true at the same time.