Not redesigning

I made a decision this morning to not redesign my blog/website. Partially to swallow my own pill of accepting that most things in my life are imperfect but good enough, but also because I thought I should focus on what I really want to do, which is to write and publish more.

I don’t have much of a talent for web design anyway — even if I end up using Webflow to redesign my blog/website, the design is still going to end up as minimalist as it is right now, which is the way I like it.

So for now, no more wavering over whether I should redesign my blog/website. Case closed!

The definition of slothhood

I’m beginning to understand “slothing” not as doing nothing but as doing things at a comfortable and relaxed pace, without feeling like you’re “chased after” by the world.

We actually do go soft and lazy if we do nothing for long periods of time. Our willpower goes to mush. Inertia builds. In the end we’re too lazy to do things and we’re rolling around in our beds mindlessly for days on end and before we know it, precious time has passed us by.

There can be no relaxation without first experiencing stress. There is no happiness that can feel like happiness if you haven’t first experienced sadness. The concept of things don’t stand on themselves in this world; they exist only in contrast to their opposite value. Light is not light if we cannot grasp the idea of darkness. And so life itself is not life if death is not real. That’s just the way things are.

But let’s come back to the idea of being a sloth. The central idea of slothhood, to me at least, is living life on your own terms and not the world’s. A sloth does whatever the hell she wants to do whenever she wants to do it, with zero guilt. But it doesn’t mean a sloth simply sits on her armchair and does nothing all day.

Doing nothing is nice. We should never be afraid to do nothing. In fact we should do nothing fearlessly and whenever we want to, to hell with what the world thinks. We are not obliged to do anything at all in this world. But doing things feels good too and makes the days of doing nothing feel even better. In Buddhism they talk about the Middle Way — taking the path between two extremes, we find virtue and enlightenment. I’m a believer of this truth.

There is joy to be found in both doing nothing and doing something. When you do nothing, you meet yourself. When you do something, you meet with the world. Whether it’s yourself or the world, there is a whole universe to explore and take delight in.

So do or not do, it’s up to you. But always tread the middle way and always be true and kind to yourself.

(The problem only arrives when we do things for the wrong reason — to impress, to invite compliments, to ignore the real issues that are at the bottom of our psychological distress, to avoid confronting ourselves, to run away from life, to fill that unfillable hole in our heart.)

The above are just some of my evolving thoughts on life as a sloth.

Happy

I woke up all warm and fuzzy and excited to do things. I don’t know if it’s the weather (looks like it’s about to rain, which is my favorite kind of weather) or because I just came out of a crazy 4-day shoot and all the stress is now finally just melting away, resulting in a happy burst of endorphins… but I’m feeling good.

Going to spend the day cleaning the house (which is in a mess) and… I don’t know, doing whatever the fuck I wanna do, now that my sabbatical has kind of started.

Yeah!

On another note, I’m thinking of rebuilding my blog now that I have so much free time. But first I need to finish my Webflow course!

Careless wandering (逍遥游)


“In Chuang Tzu’s view, man must be keenly aware of his own existence and not derive himself from others. He must not derive the present from the past or the future, worthiness from worthlessness, boundary from boundlessness, life from death. Only then can he gain freedom from restraints. The philosophy of Chuang Tzu is a philosophy of freedom. It is a philosophy by which life is experienced in endless time and boundless space. To him, the secular life is ‘an order without life’, whereas what he set out to pursue is a ‘life without order’.”

A philosophy worth its salt =)

Daily practice

My daily practice and training is to be more focused, more present, more mindful. When I wash dishes, I wash dishes only. When I read, I read only. When I do household chores, I do household chores only. It seems like the most boring practice in the world to many people but to me it is a most exciting one. I don’t know of a better way to live. I’m tired of being distracted, mindless, unfocused. When I’m focused, I’m happier and more productive and simply more “there”. The ordinary aspects of my life seem less ordinary. The quality of my immediate experience is elevated somehow into something, if not more interesting, then at least much more enjoyable.

Random thoughts

1. The moment you think of doing something, if circumstances allow, do it. Otherwise it’s just gonna become another item on your Procrastination List.

2. Even though my brain likes to convince me that having more choices is better than having fewer choices, the truth is that any choice is probably good enough.

3. There is an inexplicable joy in being utterly focused on doing one thing at a time. #flow

4. There is no right way to blog, but a wrong way to blog would be to be dishonest and to work very hard to boost your own self image. Leave that behind on the social networks.

5. Heaven is here. Hell is not wanting to be here.

Quote of the day:
“Give yourself time to learn something new and good, and cease to be whirled around.”
— Marcus Aurelius

Life apprenticeship

I failed almost every time I got tested this week. I got annoyed when someone spoke to me rudely, almost burst into tears when I thought I’d lose something important, spoke without thinking, got defensive.

When it came down to it, my emotions always got the better of me.

Of course there were moments when I was aware enough to remind myself to practise, but they were often the exceptions rather than the rule.

That’s why I must continue to practise.